At least I’ll have 23 years of good luck

by Eric Hegwer

in House Stuff

Why is everybody asking for more photos? What do you think I am? A professional Photographer? You think I want to pick up My Nikons when I am wearing the popcorn ceiling that I just scraped off? No way. You will have to wait. What? How did I get a comment while I’m still writing this post? Can you guys read my mind or something? You want more photos? You need Photos? OK. But first you will have to read my post.

As soon as I figured out the Secret to Popcorn removal from the ceiling, I was able to blast through 5 rooms in 3 days, and actually get a leg up on our timetable. So, instead of relaxing and just napping on the couch, Jen and I decided there was some room in our budget for a new bathroom vanity. Cool. Now for some real Demo. Big hammers that weigh as much as a super burrito from the authentic Spanish Taqueria. Donning safety glasses, and steel toe boots, I was ready!

It was time to cue up some Rammstein, and work through years of pent up aggression from living in a shopping mall. FYI – This weekend The Domain Mall will host the Annual Simon Fashion Now presented by Caress Skin Wear. Carson Kressley will host the fashion show so bring your camera, and play paparazzi for a day. The first year the fashion show set up a huge stage in front of our apartment and some drunk gays conducted their own fashion show at 2:00 in the morning. That was pleasant – NOT!

Before attacking the stone vanity with a 3-lb sledge, I though it prudent to remove the 3 by 5 foot plate glass mirror glued to the wall all by myself. Ever so carefully, I cut through the caulking at the bottom, ensuring it was free and wouldn’t snag. Then I carefully pried, and peeled the entire mirror from the wall in one piece. I amazed myself that I was able to get that loose in one piece. Almost home free.

But that sucker was heavier than a wet Golden Retriever, and I was unable to successfully navigate it between the hanging 1970′s pendant lights. The mirror gained the upper hand (actually gravity did), and as soon as I realized this, my brain calculated an escape route zigging around the tool bag, pivoting on the left foot, and pushing off to take cover around the corner behind a wall.

Apparently I can move faster than 9.8 m/s^2 – or the distance to safety was less than I expected, because I waited for what seemed like minutes before the mirror connected with the cement floor. When it did hit, the sound was incredible. I’m sure it registered on the seismic detectors at USGS in Menlo Park. It was an event. Timidly, I peeked around the corner to survey the damage, expecting to see a slab sticking out of a wall or something. Alas, the mirror was now in index sized card shards all over the floor. Rescue efforts turned to Recovery, and out came the new flat blade shovel with a fiberglass T-handle, I’ve wanted to own since I was four.

FYI – behind the mirror was scribbled in some lovely ladies’ handwriting “Paper all dressing area walls”- guess what my next job will be.

Razor sharp glass shards are all over the cement floor

Razor sharp glass shards are all over the cement floor

pendant lights cause more than just a decorating disaster

pendant lights cause more than just a decorating disaster

This was a great opportunity for an artsy self portrait - but I decided against it.

This was a great opportunity for an artsy self portrait - but I decided against it.

The mirror is broken.

The mirror is broken.

Somebody left a note behind the mirror - What's behind your mirror?

Somebody left a note behind the mirror - What's behind your mirror?

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{ 2 comments }

Laura. March 27, 2009 at 8:10 am

there is something really satisfying about all that smashed glass and destruction. it must have made an amazing crash.

trudy March 27, 2009 at 5:50 pm

I’m new to your blog. You mention Secret to Popcorn removal from the ceiling. I tried to find this with the popcorn tag, but came up empty. Did you write that somewhere? Thanks.

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