A Chaldron is an impossible object …

The thing arrives to my mailbox in a simple brown box with stamped with The Thing in red or black letters

by Eric Hegwer

in Fun Times,Personal,Stuff

… was how the insert read.

Every time a new the Thing arrives, I get excited.  They always arrive in a simple brown cardboard box that’s sized to fit the contents – Triangle, tube, rectangle, and clearly stamped with red ink.  There’s no mistaking the branding.  I don’t really track when they will be coming, which enhances the surprise, but I’ve always kept my address updated with them because I never want to miss one and have a lapse in my collection.  I’ve got each issue, and treasure them all.  I even have a little ritual opening them – clearing off my worktable, and carefully cutting open the package with my exacto knife…

Nobody ever knows what you’ll get, but everybody gets the same thing.  Every few months.  A new piece of art in the mail from some exciting and creative individuals.  Great stuff.  It’s the adult version of sticking your hand into a box of cereal to grab the prize at the bottom of the box.

My loyal readers and friends know that I love unique spectacles.  For the last few years I’ve been wearing my trademark ic Berlin stainless steel framed glasses that don’t have any screws in the hinges (I’ve got several pairs, including some new sunglasses with tinted lenses).  When I unwrapped this issue, I saw a familiar site – a spring loaded blue glasses case.  But I’ve learned that anything could be inside that box.  It could be glasses, or it could be a spring loaded snake that will pop out at me when I snap back the cover.

But inside this bright blue glass case was a magical pair of glasses which I immediately put on.

Included with the specs was a leaflet with  instructions on the care and maintenance, as well as 12 items describing a chaldron (as I had never heard of one) – I learned that a chaldron is an impossible object, and that it is impossible to win one on eBay.  I was actually following step 11 at the time due to the weather.  Of course, I’m wearing them right now as I write this, and as you read this, and, yes I can see that indeed I am surrounded by chaldrons, as you are, too.

Chaldron Optical System - I love the blue color of this glass case.  It's almost the same as my logo color

Chaldron Optical System - I love the blue color of this glass case. It's almost the same as my logo color

Every detail is thought of - including imprinting the Thing Quarterly inside the glass case on the red velvet

Every detail is thought of - including imprinting the Thing Quarterly inside the glass case on the red velvet

I discovered that the inside of the frames were inscribed...

I discovered that the inside of the frames were inscribed...

Will you know a chaldron when you see one?

Will you know a chaldron when you see one?

With these glasses you will know a true one.

With these glasses you will know a true one.

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